Disappointment strikes

I'm the primary resident assistant on call tonight, which basically means that until 7am tomorrow morning, I'm not allowed to leave campus in case an emergency happens or what not. It's been a long day to say the least. From a girl locking her keys in her room while naked wrapped in a towel, a girl bleeding somewhat profusely from a deep gash in her nose and refusing to go to the emergency room, and knowing that I have to do rounds in another 2-3 hours at around 12:30am when some of the party goers are making their way back to their dorm, pretty much everything that can happen has happened. And now I want a fucking Coke. I don't mean cocaine, I mean Coca-Cola...That's a big vice for me..ahhhh it tastes so goood...there's a Wendy's right down the street, I bet I could make it there and back in under five minutes... Damnit.
I bet I wouldn't even want a Coke so bad if douchebag had came over tonight. I sent him a text around 8ish, telling him to come over. No response. Mr. Temper is in Michigan, so he's unavailable, too. I just want some company, after all. Is that too much for a girl to ask? Especially since I can't leave campus, it would be nice to have a warm body to keep me entertained.
I'm mildly intrigued by douchebag, if for nothing else than him confusing me. He texted me the other day asking if I heard the new Metallica songs, which of course I have. We talked about it for a bit, then I asked if when he was going to come over again and received no response. I know that I know these signs. They are signs of disinterest, but that's so hard to face. I just want some lovin'. It's possible that I'm being a little too forceful, but I'm horny for fuck's sake. He may be interpreting my interest as something deeper than a FWB situation, but I'm not sure. So disappointment has set in and it'll take a good apology to get douchebag on somewhat good terms again. Just when you think you've got something good going for you, eh?

Where'd you learn a word like that?

Every year my school brings in a comedic hypnotist. Usually, this event occurs over freshman orientation weekend in an effort to convince the freshman that they have made the right choice by attending our university because only really cool schools have hypnotists come, right? This year was a little different due to scheduling conflicts so there was a huge audience at the hypnotist as all of the transfers, returners, and freshmen were moved in and ready for some laughs. Last year I was hypnotized and had a great time insulting people. I even told one kid that if he didn't stop fucking laughing at the show then he would get chlamydia.
You see, being hypnotized doesn't make you do something obscenely crazy or out of character, it just gives you suggestions and lowers your inhibitions, that is if you have any to begin with. I really don't, so when I'm hypnotized I'm an uber bitch, but a funny one. This year was no difference. I, along with seventeen other fellow students, made a fool out of myself for the sake of comedy. Apparently, the hypnotist was trying to keep the show relatively clean because whenever I dropped the f-bomb he would smoothly pull the microphone out of range of my voice, afraid of what I might say next. After the third f-bomb, the hypnotist said, "My, that's a big word you keep using. Where did you learn a word like that?" "Umm...my dad, duh!" Yep, I gave my dad credit for my foul mouth. He'd be so proud of his daughter, wouldn't he?
The highlight of the show was when the group was hypnotized into thinking that we were all two hundred years old. The hypnotist asked me what words of wisdom I had for the audience, and I replied, "Don't fuck with Chuck Norris." That, after all, is the key to youth and beauty....according to my hypnotized self.
It's funny being hypnotized because you know that you're making a complete jackass out of yourself, but you don't give a fuck. You let your true personality show. Point in case: The hypnotized group thought that the audience was naked. I went over to one boy, whom I have never met before, and asked him if it was cold in the auditorium, implying that he wasn't packing where it matters. I then removed his baseball hat and put it over his crotch and told him that it would be okay, some girls think size doesn't matter. The situation suddenly changed when the hypnotized thought that they were the ones that were now naked. Every other person that was hypnotized tried to hide or cover up their goodies, but me? Nope. I went to the center of the stage, smiled and nodded, and did a little twirl to show both front and back. There's no amount of hypnosis that could persuade a prude nun to do such a thing if she didn't really feel that way. Well, I'm no prude nun, am I?

Another perk of being hypnotized besides having a lot of fun and feeling drunk without actually having to drink liquor, is that you sleep amazingly the night you are hypnotized. I did have crazy dreams, however. I thought about the douchebag that I hooked up with last Friday and how I liked the way he'd periodically suck my tongue deep into his mouth. Or how after he got done eating me out, I could taste myself on him when we kissed. I literally woke up with my hands down my undies. If this isn't a sign of desperation for getting laid, I don't know what is. But then comes the contradiction in my mind of being a whore or getting a solid boyfriend. For some reason, being both in my mind can't work right now. So, I guess I'll be the whore so that at least the pussy is happy.

Is it my turn yet?

As I walked around campus today on the way to the cafeteria, I kept seeing couples sitting on the benches in the quad, holding hangs, sharing loving looks, smiling, and being all gooingly happy. I tried to walk by as fast as I could and kept telling myself that it's a by product of summer love and that they'll get their hearts broken soon enough. The other part of me tsk tsked at the cynicism and made me think about my love life. Wait, I don't have one. I have hookups. I have guys that like me to suck their cock and that like to hook up with me, but I don't have love. "Maybe if you weren't such a whore, you'd have a serious boyfriend." "Maybe if you didn't send dirty text messages, guys would take you more seriously." "Maybe if you knew how to be a classy, sophisticated woman, a gentlemen might knock on your door." Maybe you should go fuck yourself. I can't change who I am; I won't change who I am. It's taken me years to build up my self confidence to the point where I'll actively seek out new people to meet and I'm not going to change that now. I am comfortable in my own skin and I don't care how other people take that. I honestly feel lucky to be so comfortable with myself at such a young age; it's a gift that I'm thankful for.
But, when I look around me and see so many people with significant others, it makes me wonder if I have some sort of defect or stamp on my head that says "not long term relationship material." I do want to be in love. I do want to get married one day and have children. I want to be a mom and I want to feel the unimaginable joy that comes with creating another human being with the person I love. Am I too much of a self absorbed bitch to be loved? I don't know. I have been in love, but I was fifteen years old. I'll be 21 in a few months and I can only say that I've been in one serious relationship and one semi-serious relationship. I'm not saying that that is something to be pitied for or anything, but I feel like I have so much to give and no one to give it to. Behind my abrasive exterior, there's a sweetheart somewhere. If you dig very deep, bypass the inner cunt, and make a left at 'has been betrayed' street, you'll find that girl who is willing to do anything for someone she loves. Yes, I'll give you amazing blow jobs during the commercial of sports game. Yes, I'll put your balls in my mouth and maybe even have a threesome if it'll please you. But there's so much more to me than that. I'll cook you your favorite dinner and I'll give you a foot rub at the end of a long day. I'll understand that you may not get along with your parents or your brother that lives three states away. I'll support you if you want to make a career change in a horrible economy when you're 35 with two kids and a wife to support. I'll understand that the garage is your space and whatever you do in there can be kept to yourself as long as you come to bed and snuggle with me after.
See, I can be lovey-dovey and romantic. When is it going to be my turn for love? Am I trying too hard? Is it not the right time in my life? Am I not made to be a wife or mother? Sometimes I wish I had the answers. I wish I could find someone who understands and more importantly accepts that I'm complex and that I have a lot of quirks and an almost insatiable appetite for knowledge, as well as quite an appetite for pleasure.
For now, I'll probably keep giving the loving couples dirty glares as they canoodle on the benches in the quad and envy them that they are happy with each other. And at night, I'll pray that soon it will be my turn to love someone and be loved in return.

Hello Junior Year

Today was the first day of my junior year of college. I wanna barf just thinking about growing up. I'm not ready for real responsibilities. Beyond doing my own laundry, feeding, bathing, and grooming myself, I have no idea how to be an adult. I don't even balance my fucking checkbook. Junior just means one more year left of binge drinking before I can be officially called an alcoholic. Because, you know, that sort of thing in college is just chalked up to "college life." My classes all went okay today, didn't do much with it being the first day and all. The first day of the semester always gives me a feeling of impending doom. The research papers I'll have to write, the honors' contract I'll have to do, the exams, the midterms, the presentations, the homework, the writing intensive course that I have to do that should conclude in a research project being published in an academic journal. That's a lot of shit to take in in one semester, much less think about it all in one day. Stress=breakouts on my chin and horniness. Weird combo, huh? Well, that's how it happens for me.

Speaking of horniness....I was really frisky Friday night/Saturday early morning. I had been at a party and got a little tipsy, which makes the pussy scream for attention. So I listened to her. I texted douchebag, hoping that he wouldn't turn me down. He didn't. Although it took him forever to get her because he got lost...whatev. A few of my friends helped him get here because I was unaware of where he was/what the holdup was. He finally got here and we went up to my room. It was a little awkward at first, of course. We kind of awkwardly cuddled in bed and watched the Olympics/try to figure out how one of us was going to make the first move. I actually can't remember how it did happen. I just remember that we started kissing and it went from there. I started to rub his cock while we were making out and I wasn't too impressed, especially from his body size, but looks can be deceiving. I started to go down on him and sucked his balls, once I apparently did it too hard; I heard him kind of whimper and I knew I went too hard. It happens. He went down on me for what felt like two minutes and fingered me a little. Then we started kissing as he lay on top of me, grinding his cock against my cooch. I went down on him again to finish him off, even though I usually demand an orgasm first 'cause I'm a bitch and all. He came pretty quick, but it was weird because he kind of pulled away from my mouth, so he ended up coming a little in my hair and all over his shirt. Basically after that, I offered for him to spend the night because he had work early in the morning, but he left his tools at his house, or so went his excuse. So I walked him out, talking about bullshit that I can't recall. When he got to his car, we hugged kind of one-armed and gave a brief peck on the lips. I'm not really sure how I feel about this. I enjoyed myself, but at the same time, I feel like I'd be forcing something if I contacted him. Maybe it's some traditional part of me, but I feel like a guy should contact a girl first after this type of encounter if he's interested. Ahh, well. We shall see.

Please, no pubes in the communal showers.

I haven't had the chance to post lately because I've been beyond busy with RA work/training and moving myself back into school. It seems unbelievable to me that I'm already a fucking junior in college. When the fuck did I grow up? Someone please make it stop. The perks of being an RA include having my own room. Luckily, I got a very nice room. The ceilings are about sixteen feet high and I have two cathedral windows. For now, the houses across the street are getting a free show when I change because I have no curtains for the massive windows. Hollllllla peeping toms.
Some of my residents are moved in, some not. I have an apartment full of football players right next to me, one is beyond sexy. It's a shame he has a girlfriend....in Florida. Most of my residents are girls, which could be good or bad. The only problem with having a lot of girls is that we all have to share the bathrooms and I don't know about your college experience, but it never fails that at least a couple times a year there will be a mini forest of pubic hair sprinkled everywhere in my favorite, actually preferred, there's no favorite, shower. I barf in my mouth a little even with I think about it. Like, we're all women of the 21st century, have none of them heard of waxing, or even trimming before taking the razor blade to the cooch? Come on, girls. I know, I know, the amount of promiscuous and spontaneous sex means that a girl must always be prepared to look her best down there, but please for the love of God why can't they at least make sure it gets down the drain? Hairy fucking beasts.....

Anyway, my busy schedule has left me craving orgasms. Because of this, I did something I know I shouldn't have done. I invited a douchebag over to my dorm room. I couldn't help it, I swear. My cooch takes over in these situations because it needs attention. When he texted me "I can't wait to hear you moan while I taste your clit," the pussy went into action. Right at that time I got a text from my favorite cousin who would be coming into town for the night (he goes to school in Indianapolis) and invited me over to his mom's house, who is my favorite aunt, for dinner. Ahhhhhh.....conflict, conflict of mind and pussy...not good! I said yes, even though the pussy said fuck no. I reassured her by saying it would only be a few hours and douchebag was horny enough thinking about going down on me that he could wait.

Well a few hours turned into midnight pretty quick. I forgot my phone at my aunt's house while we were out and I had three texts, two missed calls, and one voicemail from d-bag. Fuckkkkk. They all pretty much said the same thing, "What the fuck are you doing, I wanted to come out tonight, call me." I tried. I sent him an apologetic text because his voicemail didn't pick up, but to no avail. I invited him over the next night and promised that nothing would go wrong, but I should have known better. He never came, that fucking bastard. What is it about guys that are douchebags that is so fucking hot? After that, I was pissed of course, but I still wanted him. The fact that we stood each other up somehow got twisted into my mind that we would fuck like crazy, angry porn stars when we actually do hang out. I think I have a complex or syndrome or something because a normal girl would realize that's not a healthy conclusion to come to when a guy stands you up...but there is just something about the guy that I want. I mean, besides his cock. We'll see what happens. In the mean time, there are some fine freshman football players that are just asking to be taken to my room and corrupted....

lately

So I know it's been a little while, mainly because we had a huge tornado slide on through here, a perk of living in the Midwest. There were widespread power outages, but my house was safe. Except that our cable, hence Internet, was knocked out. During the storm, I texted Mr. Temper to see how his end of town was holding up. "This is the worst day of my life," he replied. Uh-oh. I asked why and he said he got laid off that day, which is tough for him because he's been working short weeks for a few months now because the economy has been in such a bad shape and now he's going to have go deal with trying to find a new job at a relatively bad time. He should be able to find a job relatively quick thanks to his nature of work (pipefitting) but it's a hassle nonetheless. Anyways, he said along with being laid off, there were a bunch of live wires around his neighborhood so COMed would have to be around there all week. Poor, poor baby. I told him I'd make him feel better tomorrow and he said, "As long as it's cheap fun, I'm up for it." Point taken.

So the next day I brought over a pizza, a sixer of Miller Lite, and the movie 300. If a guy isn't happy with a girl doing that, he has to be gay. I knocked on his door and gave a little finger wiggle hello when I saw his shadow move over the peep-hole. "You're an angel." he said at the sight of beer and pizza. I'm one smooth chick, aren't I? We put in the DVD and started eating the pizza and drinking the beer while we commented on the various appearances of nipples in the movie. If we were going to hook up at all tonight, I wanted it to get done before the beer could seep into his spooge and funk it up. So after he ate a good portion of pizza that I assumed would last him for awhile, I positioned myself in his lap for some making out. It's my duty as an aforementioned smooth chick to make a guy feel better when he's had a rough time of it. So I gave him the best blow job that he'll ever have during an epic battle scene of a graphic comic movie. He was beyond grateful, so I told him to remember the favor with a little wink as I headed out the door. I don't really like to have post-cum cuddle time or anything with a hook-up, so I was on my way pretty quickly. Mr. Temper is a nice guy and all, amazing kisser better yet, but I don't really want to start anything serious before I head back to school, which is coming up very soon.

And, oddly enough, right when I start to think that, a blast from the very recent past, texted me today asking what I was doing tonight. I replied that I didn't know fairly unconcerned because he had pissed me off by all the sudden not talking to me for awhile. He hinted that he wanted to hang out and that we never got a chance to "chill", code word fuck, and wanted to know why that was. Okay, lesson numero uno, d-bag, if you don't contact me or seem interested, why would I waste my time? His dirty texting left some room for hope there, so we'll see what happens. I told him that I could possibly hang out this weekend, but I'm not putting a lot of stock into it. If it happens awesome, if not, Mr. Temper and his tongue will console me.

There's been a lot on my mind lately, mainly because of school. Financial aid is the biggest pain in my ass ever. I would really like to start my adult life not forty grand in debt, but it happens, I suppose. I'll be an RA this year which should be interesting. I know that I have a co-ed floor, so I'm assuming that I'll have both male and female residents. I contacted a "toy representative" to possibly have a sex toy party as my first event, but I'm not quite sure my school with allow that. I wonder how many people would show up to that? I just want to do it because I'll get free accessories for hosting a party! Hell yeah!

And then there is my twenty-first birthday approaching. It's not necessary that I get completely plastered or anything, but it is occurring on a Thursday, aka Thirsty Thursday in college speak, so it would be an excellent night to get bombed. I'm thinking something downtown, but that may be a little pricey for my friends, so I may do Bourbon street. If you're not from the Chicago area, Bourbon street is a pretty huge deal. Very fun, very drunk, very Chicago. All the things I love.

This is how I spend my Friday night?

I went out to dinner with my best friend tonight. It was really great to see her again, of course. It's been awhile because she's been busy working in the real world while I've been sitting in my pool drinking iced tea. Our conversations usually always consist of her men. She is gorgeous and cool, the kind of cool that makes you think she's too good to be true because you can't be beautiful and cool, can you? Well, she is. But, anyways, our conversation turned to her boys (I counted ten for her....2 for me during the convo..ahh) and she glanced at the TV and said, oh, here's my old guy. I turned around and saw a sports announcer for a Chicago cable company. She texted him while he was on TV...I was in awe. They aren't serious. She isn't serious with any of the ten, but I was still in awe. But then, she surprised me. "All I really want is a nice boy. I want a boyfriend, but none of the guys I see that are interested in me are nice guys. I want a gentleman," she said. It never ceases to amaze me how all the beauty in the world can't help you when it comes to love. Sure, good looks can get attention, but not love. Sometimes I feel bad for her, actually. It breaks my heart when she gets hit on in a vulgar way because she takes it so offensively, whereas I smile because my mind is vulgar. Maybe it's true that all we want in this world is to love and have someone love us back, but damnit why does it have to be so hard, even for the seemingly "perfect" people?

Anyway, I came across this and I'm kind of in the mood for some psych-evaluation via survey-ness. So here we go. And, for any interested, I will be following up with Mr. Temper soon.




Yes or No


1. Have you had cyber-sex?
Yes, absolutely. When my first serious boyfriend moved away, we had cyber-sex all the time. It wasn't really satisfying because my family's computer was in the living room, so I couldn't just go at it. I was literally always looking over my shoulder for the moment my mom would come into the room. We soon moved onto phone sex anyway, which was much better.




2.Would you masturbate in front of your partner?
Yes. And I have. I think it brings a certain level of intimacy to the relationship, but I usually just do it for my own pleasure.






3.Would you tell your partner (who you really love) that they are bad in bed?
YES. Even if I didn't love someone who I had sex with, I'd tell them. It's my duty as a woman to train a man in all the special ways women liked to be touched. I'm really doing everyone a favor actually. I should be commended.






4.While having sex, have you ever thought about someone else to keep you turned on?
Yes, but rarely. If I'm not turned on by the person, why would I waste my time?






5.Have you ever looked at a family member and felt sexually attracted to them?
no. I admit that I have an obscenely good looking family, but I haven't ever felt a sexual attraction to any of them.



What do you think?


1.Gay marriage is wrong?
No, I think a person should be able to marry any other human who they love, man or woman. Love is love and who am I to judge what is right or wrong? Remember, God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.






2.The night of your best-friend's wedding their fiance comes on to you, should you tell your best-friend?
I would investigate if a copious amount of alcohol was present first, but I would mention it to my best friend, obviously.




3.You catch one of your parents having a one-night-stand, should you tell the other parent?
Well, I don't think I'll have to deal with that at all actually. See this post for the story.




4.Your partner wants to go to a "swingers" club, would you go to keep your partner happy?
I'd probably be the one to suggest this, so of course. I'm pretty open to trying everything, but I would be cautious about STDs, meaning I probably wouldn't go to just any swinger's club. I do have some values, after all.




5.You are about to tell your spouse that you want a divorce but they just found out that a close family member is dying, do you still tell them?
No. I couldn't live with myself if I did that. No matter how bad our marriage had gotten, I would do all I could to support them through that difficult time because that would be what I wanted out of a partner. My Catholic conscience would eat at me way too much for me to do something like that.



Finale!


1.Would you/Have you ever fake illness to get attention?
Absolutely not. I'll write a post about this eventually, but no I would never fake an illness to get attention. After being extremely ill and in heart failure, I experienced "attention" due to an illness and I never want to feel that again.






2.You are the first to arrive at the scene of an accident but it turns out that the person hurt is your worst enemy, do you help or walk away?
Wow, this really puts my meanness to test, doesn't it? I don't really think that I have a worst enemy. There have been people that hurt me, yes, but I don't consider any of them enemies in any way. If I walked away, that would only burden me and it would come back to haunt me in some way. Have I mentioned I'm a huge believer in karma? I would help in any way that I could.






3.You have a non life threatening sexual disease, would you have a one night stand without telling the person?
Nope. Like I said before, I have some values. And karma definitely wouldn't like that. I could only imagine the hell I would pay after that....my pussy is afraid just at the thought.






4.Do you think it is important to tell the truth or spare someones feelings?

Well it depends what it's about and who it involves. If I know that my friend is very self-conscious and asks me how she looks with her new haircut, I'll tell her the truth in a very positive way.....for example, "Oh, it's a little short for your face frame, but it does bring out your eyes a lot." I'm kind of the queen of complimented-insults. It's a term I made up...I'm often afraid that my honesty is mistaken for being a blunt cunt (you liked that, didn't you ;-) ) but usually I tell the truth, especially if it's important.