Is it my turn yet?

As I walked around campus today on the way to the cafeteria, I kept seeing couples sitting on the benches in the quad, holding hangs, sharing loving looks, smiling, and being all gooingly happy. I tried to walk by as fast as I could and kept telling myself that it's a by product of summer love and that they'll get their hearts broken soon enough. The other part of me tsk tsked at the cynicism and made me think about my love life. Wait, I don't have one. I have hookups. I have guys that like me to suck their cock and that like to hook up with me, but I don't have love. "Maybe if you weren't such a whore, you'd have a serious boyfriend." "Maybe if you didn't send dirty text messages, guys would take you more seriously." "Maybe if you knew how to be a classy, sophisticated woman, a gentlemen might knock on your door." Maybe you should go fuck yourself. I can't change who I am; I won't change who I am. It's taken me years to build up my self confidence to the point where I'll actively seek out new people to meet and I'm not going to change that now. I am comfortable in my own skin and I don't care how other people take that. I honestly feel lucky to be so comfortable with myself at such a young age; it's a gift that I'm thankful for.
But, when I look around me and see so many people with significant others, it makes me wonder if I have some sort of defect or stamp on my head that says "not long term relationship material." I do want to be in love. I do want to get married one day and have children. I want to be a mom and I want to feel the unimaginable joy that comes with creating another human being with the person I love. Am I too much of a self absorbed bitch to be loved? I don't know. I have been in love, but I was fifteen years old. I'll be 21 in a few months and I can only say that I've been in one serious relationship and one semi-serious relationship. I'm not saying that that is something to be pitied for or anything, but I feel like I have so much to give and no one to give it to. Behind my abrasive exterior, there's a sweetheart somewhere. If you dig very deep, bypass the inner cunt, and make a left at 'has been betrayed' street, you'll find that girl who is willing to do anything for someone she loves. Yes, I'll give you amazing blow jobs during the commercial of sports game. Yes, I'll put your balls in my mouth and maybe even have a threesome if it'll please you. But there's so much more to me than that. I'll cook you your favorite dinner and I'll give you a foot rub at the end of a long day. I'll understand that you may not get along with your parents or your brother that lives three states away. I'll support you if you want to make a career change in a horrible economy when you're 35 with two kids and a wife to support. I'll understand that the garage is your space and whatever you do in there can be kept to yourself as long as you come to bed and snuggle with me after.
See, I can be lovey-dovey and romantic. When is it going to be my turn for love? Am I trying too hard? Is it not the right time in my life? Am I not made to be a wife or mother? Sometimes I wish I had the answers. I wish I could find someone who understands and more importantly accepts that I'm complex and that I have a lot of quirks and an almost insatiable appetite for knowledge, as well as quite an appetite for pleasure.
For now, I'll probably keep giving the loving couples dirty glares as they canoodle on the benches in the quad and envy them that they are happy with each other. And at night, I'll pray that soon it will be my turn to love someone and be loved in return.