Where'd you learn a word like that?

Every year my school brings in a comedic hypnotist. Usually, this event occurs over freshman orientation weekend in an effort to convince the freshman that they have made the right choice by attending our university because only really cool schools have hypnotists come, right? This year was a little different due to scheduling conflicts so there was a huge audience at the hypnotist as all of the transfers, returners, and freshmen were moved in and ready for some laughs. Last year I was hypnotized and had a great time insulting people. I even told one kid that if he didn't stop fucking laughing at the show then he would get chlamydia.
You see, being hypnotized doesn't make you do something obscenely crazy or out of character, it just gives you suggestions and lowers your inhibitions, that is if you have any to begin with. I really don't, so when I'm hypnotized I'm an uber bitch, but a funny one. This year was no difference. I, along with seventeen other fellow students, made a fool out of myself for the sake of comedy. Apparently, the hypnotist was trying to keep the show relatively clean because whenever I dropped the f-bomb he would smoothly pull the microphone out of range of my voice, afraid of what I might say next. After the third f-bomb, the hypnotist said, "My, that's a big word you keep using. Where did you learn a word like that?" "Umm...my dad, duh!" Yep, I gave my dad credit for my foul mouth. He'd be so proud of his daughter, wouldn't he?
The highlight of the show was when the group was hypnotized into thinking that we were all two hundred years old. The hypnotist asked me what words of wisdom I had for the audience, and I replied, "Don't fuck with Chuck Norris." That, after all, is the key to youth and beauty....according to my hypnotized self.
It's funny being hypnotized because you know that you're making a complete jackass out of yourself, but you don't give a fuck. You let your true personality show. Point in case: The hypnotized group thought that the audience was naked. I went over to one boy, whom I have never met before, and asked him if it was cold in the auditorium, implying that he wasn't packing where it matters. I then removed his baseball hat and put it over his crotch and told him that it would be okay, some girls think size doesn't matter. The situation suddenly changed when the hypnotized thought that they were the ones that were now naked. Every other person that was hypnotized tried to hide or cover up their goodies, but me? Nope. I went to the center of the stage, smiled and nodded, and did a little twirl to show both front and back. There's no amount of hypnosis that could persuade a prude nun to do such a thing if she didn't really feel that way. Well, I'm no prude nun, am I?

Another perk of being hypnotized besides having a lot of fun and feeling drunk without actually having to drink liquor, is that you sleep amazingly the night you are hypnotized. I did have crazy dreams, however. I thought about the douchebag that I hooked up with last Friday and how I liked the way he'd periodically suck my tongue deep into his mouth. Or how after he got done eating me out, I could taste myself on him when we kissed. I literally woke up with my hands down my undies. If this isn't a sign of desperation for getting laid, I don't know what is. But then comes the contradiction in my mind of being a whore or getting a solid boyfriend. For some reason, being both in my mind can't work right now. So, I guess I'll be the whore so that at least the pussy is happy.