Can I Count This as a Program?

As I was putting up mandated fliers on my floor for part of my RA duties, I stopped by a few of my residents' dorms. Some were sleeping, others were looking for an excuse to stop their homework, so I happily obliged. Two of my girls were having a good chat with me when another stopped in to join the fun. That's when it happened. I noticed a condom taped to the back of their door. I laughed and asked the girls if there was a story behind this or if they were just keeping it there in case of a protection emergency. This, right here, is how RAs get fired.

I grabbed the condom off the door and ripped it open, finding it super lubed. I instructed my girls, now 4 of them in the hallway, that you must make sure the tip is outward. I proceeded to blow it up into a balloon but had a hell of a rough time tying the knot because of the lube. We bounced it around playing keep it up (no pun intended) when one of my boy residents stepped out of his room. He took one look at us, smiled, and walked right back into his room. I don't blame him.

After a few minutes of talking about condoms, I asked if any of the girls had lotion. Of course, they're chicks, they have some lotion. We squirted some lotion into the condom to make it look sufficiently used. Believable at a quick glance or distance to say the least. We continued our talk as two of my RA colleagues walked into the hall on rounds. I shhhed my residents as I greeted my colleagues with my hands behind my back. Then, I did it. I did what no RA should do in front of their residents. I threw the condom on my male colleagues face. A look of horror crossed his face as the lubed and lotioned condom slid down his cheek and neck. His Irish face turned bright red as he watched it fall to the floor. "What......the...fucking shit?!" he exclaimed, outraged.

Ohh, Paddy, don't worry, it's not used. I assured him that it was just a joke and he wouldn't be getting an STD from it and he and the other RA went on with their business. This is one of the reasons that I'm the best fucking RA ever. I mean, besides my general coolness. I broke some sad news to my girls after having buttered them up with a good time on a Wacky Wednesday. The sad news is that my boss shot down my idea of having a toy party for my residents. I mean, there wouldn't just be toys, there would be accessories and stuff, too, but I guess a Catholic school like mine couldn't give me a yes on this one. Even though there have been issues already this year with people fucking in the communal showers. Shudder. If I step in semen, I'm going to be pretty upset, I'm forewarning every male that lives in my building of this. I will DNA test that spunk and hunt you down. Punishment may include being tied up...just saying...