Vodka makes me start trouble

Last night I went out for a friend of a friend's 21st birthday. That seems to be the only reason that I've been going out this year, but I'm fine with that. Before we went to the bar, we stopped at the liquor store to buy a couple pints of liquor so that we didn't have to spend our hard earned spending cash on a $4.75 Long Island Iced Tea. I bought a pint of Smirnoff and a pint of Bacardi at a shady little place on the south side of Chicago that doesn't accept anything but cash.

We get to the bar and it has a decent turn out, but I felt a little awkward since I only knew two people there, one was drunk already and the other was my designated driver. I filled a small cup with some vodka and downed it in three gulps, chased with Sierra Mist. It almost came up for about 20 seconds, but I fought it back down. I wanted to get drunk and I wanted to get drunk quickly. Within 15 minutes the pint of Smirnoff was gone. I didn't drink it all, my friend had a few shots of it as well, but I did consume most of it along with two Long Islands. Rocker was bartending at the restaurant where he moonlights and was periodically texting me. We had gotten in a fight earlier that day, which is a long story, but if I can't share it on an anonymous blog, where can I share it?

It started when he mentioned a few things about people on some guitar forum were talking about Kirk Hammet's latest guitar being unveiled. My cousin, who is also a big guitar enthusiast, was interested in looking at it, so I asked Rocker what the website address was and everything. He told me the address and I started browsing it too after I had directed my cousin to it. I wasn't happy with what I found. There was a "Metallica in Chicago" post so obviously I wanted to see what some other fans had thought about the show and such. I was scrolling down through the repetitive "They fucking rawked!" posts when I saw a post from someone that had the exact same screenname that Rocker uses on AIM. I kind of laughed because I thought it was funny that he would use the same name for multiple uses. When I read what he wrote, however, I was pissed. "I'll tell ya what dude, if my gf decides to throw a bitch fit about going, you can have her ticket." Gf? Girlfriend? GIRLFRIEND?

I immediately slapped myself in the fucking head for ever thinking that I could trust someone whom I've never even met. I texted him and told him that I found it and that I also found something else that was pretty interesting. I informed him of what I saw and he did the typical what are you talking about thing. He tried calling me from work, but I pressed the F U button and it went straight to voicemail. He texted me and asked me what my deal was and that the internet was not serious business (his exact words). He called again and left a voicemail when I rejected the call again, saying that he was single and that the internet was not serious business. Yeah, I had understood that you don't think the internet is serious business from your text, asshole.

I told him that I was going to start stupid bullshit over someone/something that I didn't know and that if he was dating someone, then it was cool, but to lose my number. He insisted he was single and asked me what my deal was again. Well, my deal is that I don't like being fucked with, even if I don't "know" you, have a little respect for my potential feelings and not be a complete dickbite. I told him that this whole thing was weird for me and that I had genuinely started to like him and that I didn't want to get fucked with. He told me that he liked me too and that he had thought he made that clear. I told him to just drop it and that if he says he's single then I'll believe it.

As I calmed down, I started to rationalize a few things. He calls me all the time and when he's not calling me, he's texting me. If he really had a girlfriend, I'm pretty sure she would have noticed something was up. Maybe he was trying to boost his ego or something on the guitar forum. Whatever, it didn't matter.

I told him to leave me alone for awhile and that I needed to take a nap to prepare myself for going out that night. Within five minutes he texted me saying that he missed me. I didn't respond back. I was still seething a little bit. Irish temper and all I suppose. When I get pissed off, I don't see anything clearly for a good hour.

Anyway, later that night, we exchanged some texts. I was trying to break him out of his shell a little bit but was not having any luck at all. He told me that he was going to bed because he had an early morning with Bromance (a guy who he's learning new guitar techniques from). I told him whatever, that I had planned on forcing phone sex on him, but that I suppose Bromance was more important. He replied that he was already in bed and to have a good night. Wow, what a fucking rejection. I was a little pissed by this, especially after he had fouled up earlier in the day, you think he would have appeased my horniness. Nope, didn't happen.

If you couldn't tell already from previous posts, I'm kind of a habitual tipsy texter/drunk dialer. I scrolled through my address book and landed on a guy friend that had been one of my best friends growing up. We had a falling out our freshman year of college when he came to visit me on my 19th birthday and ended up hooking up with one of my friends here after he told me he had to leave because he had work early in the morning. Enter Irish temper here again.

We hadn't talked in quite awhile, nothing more than happy birthdays, how's the family, mundane chit chat. I called him at like 2am and he surprisingly answered. We talked about random shit for awhile and I told him that I hooked up with Douchebag, a mutual friend. He laughed and I told him that he was highly disappointing. He told me that Douchebag's current girlfriend is the proud mother of two and is only 19. Ah, well if that doesn't make me as happy as a unicorn shitting a rainbow, I don't know what would. We talked some more and I hung up when I felt that I was getting a little too risque, I mean I did have two other people in the car listening in.

I texted him and told him he was lucky that I didn't try to seduce him into coming over and I got no response. Until this morning. "How were you going to seduce me?" Ah, fuck. Vodka got me into trouble.

I woke up with three text messages, two from Rocker, one from ex-BFF. Damnit, I hate when I'm double dipping like this. Ex-BFF and I exchanged about an hour and a half's worth of dirty texts and he asked me what I was doing tonight. Well...I have nothing planned, so we decided that he was coming over.

Shit. Didn't I just get pissed at Rocker for saying he had a girlfriend on an anonymous guitar forum and here I am planning on hooking up with a boy from my past? One with whom there's always been sexual tension. Fuckkkkk me, I know this probably isn't good.

I have logic for it, though. Rocker and I are not official. We haven't even talked about being official. Ex-BFF and I know there probably wouldn't be something there that we'd pursue and it would probably turn into a FWB situation at the very most. Is it wrong to hookup with someone who I've always had a little crush on when I like someone else, but we have never met?

I don't know. If Rocker asks me what I'm doing tonight, I'll tell him that I'm hanging out with an old guy friend probably. And now I just remembered that Rocker always calls me to say goodnight, every night without fail. Am I going to press the FU button again on him because I've got a mouthful of cock? Will I be the type of girl that holds my hand over Ex-BFF's mouth to make sure Rocker can't hear that another guy is in my bed?

I don't have any answers and I don't know how far I'll go with Ex-BFF. I guess all I have to say is stay tuned for more.