I don't know how

I'm finding it difficult to verbalize what I'm feeling to Rocker about our whole situation. We still haven't met and we've been talking for almost a month, and I'm fine with that, but I'm starting to care about him and I don't know how to take that or how to tell him. When I went out for my friend's 21st birthday last weekend, he asked me if I was driving and when I told him that I wasn't and asked why he had asked me that, he replied that he just wanted to make sure I was safe. That's when I realized that I had started developing genuine feelings for him. I wonder how his day is going, if he's stressed out at work, how he's liking the new band he is in, etc, etc. I don't know if he's feeling the same way or not, or if I even expect him to or want him to.

I get the feeling that he's anxious to meet me because anytime we talk about it, he says that we better make it sooner than later and that he knows we'll get along great. I'm glad that he's enthusiastic, but at the same time, I don't want him to put these expectations on our first meeting because if it doesn't go well, then I'm not going to waste my time, or his time for that matter.

I don't know what my problem is. I feel like something is different about him, but maybe it's because we haven't met yet, so I feel like I can't really be the "real" me yet, if that's understandable. I don't know how to be my silly self on the phone when we talk or anything and I don't know how to tell him that I like him and feel that we have a pretty good connection. I get somewhat uncomfortable when I say something off the wall because he doesn't reply like what I'm used to. With Douchebag, I felt completely comfortably telling him anything sexual, but maybe that's because all we had was something physical. Is it different because I want Rocker to like me as just a girl and not as someone to hook up with? I'm not sure...I'm not very sure about anything right now and I feel like the longer we wait to meet, the more weird I'm going to get about this. I can't really help it though. I just wish Rocker was a little more outgoing and flirtatious because it would take a lot of the pressure off of me to try and keep up the witty banter when we're on the phone.

Well, I go back to school Thursday...real fun stuff. Oh, and my car broke down in other good news.

Ah.