But those were my best fuck me pumps!

As I was moving my belongings from my room at home to the foyer, I noticed the distinct smell of dog piss and searched for its origin. I found my very expensive, best pair of red suede fuck me pumps, soaked with dog piss and completely ruined. I knew immediately that it was my sister's cocker spaniel that did it because our German shepherd would have spewed a much larger radius of urine. I felt my blood pressure rise as I searched for the little fucker. I was going to wear those shoes on my date with Rocker and now they were fucking ruined. I found the little bastard lounging on the leather couch and like the completely logical person I am, I demanded that he tell me what he'd done to my shoes. He cowered away because he knew he did something wrong, then managed to make his way up the stairs to his bed, our designated "time-out" space for our dogs when they piss or shit around the house or do whatever bad things dogs can think up to do.

I texted my sister to tell her that I was going to put her dog up for sale and what he had done, but she had no sympathy. So, I texted someone that would.

"My sister's dog just ruined my red fmps!" I said in the angriest tone I could muster via text message to Rocker. I knew he'd be sad. I've come to learn that he has a thing for girls in heels (what guy doesn't?) and that I had been the first to introduce him to the lovely terminology of "fuck me pumps."

He called me from work and asked what happened and why they were ruined. I explained that dog piss is suede's kryptonite and that there would be no FMPs in my closet for awhile. Rocker seemed more pissed about it than I did. He told me that he was so pissed because now he wouldn't be able to see me in them, and that made me feel a little better. It's nice to know that Rocker's fantasizing about me in red FMPs.

The other day when Rocker and I were talking, he had to get back to work, so he cut the conversation short. I was joking around and told him that now I would be mad at him since I was having a stressful day and he wasn't listening to me. He texted me and asked, "What can I do? Buy you some new heels?"

I laughed at that. Of course he would say that. I told him that yeah, there were some great Christian Louboutin pumps that I fell in love with, so if he was feeling generous he could grab me a pair. When I told him that they were $800, he replied with, "Okay..how about some Jimmy Choo's as well?" I was slightly impressed with his shoe knowledge, but it also made me think that maybe he has quite a foot fetish...I'll push that to the back of my mind though because I'd rather not think of something like that.

I showed him a picture of the shoes I liked and he thought they were hot. The conversation dwindled on and I had pretty much forgotten about it until today when he brought it up while I was texting him in class.

"So, when do you want me to take you to go get those shoes?"

"Hm. Well when do you get your next paycheck, fancy pants?" I tend to call him fancy pants for several reasons, but I often have odd terms of endearments for those I'm interested in in general.

Before he could reply, I texted him and said that I was just joking and that I could never accept those from anyone because of how much they cost.

"Why? It's fine as long as you are wearing them for me," he said. Riiiiight. Read: I want to buy them for you so I can fuck you while you wear them. Usually, that's fine and dandy with me, but it would just be too much and it would be a thin line of being paid for sex.

After I turned him down again and explained why, he told me that I was awesome and that saying no to the shoes showed that I had good character. Hmm....I thought about that for a minute and then asked him if that was some kind of test to see if I'd be a money-grubbing whore or something. He said he didn't have tests for girls, but if he did, I've passed all of them so far.

Well, I suppose that's good news. Although I am still thinking about those fucking Christian Louboutins....they were so gorgeous. Ah, well. Maybe if we start dating, I'll feel less like a skank by accepting them. Time will tell.