that was good

I just had an amazing orgasm, my body is tingling still. I didn't expect to have that great of an orgasm just manually getting off, but with the help of some amazing porn, I did. What would little freaks like me do without the easy access to free porn? I mean, I could think of some great stuff, but it's so much better to be able to actually see people going at it. Sometimes, post-O, I think about what my sexuality would be like if I lived in a different time or place. It would be hindered of course, but I mean would I still think about fucking all the time, or would societal pressures permeate my brain so much so that it would wash away the inner freak? I've explored some general history in regards to the female sexuality through the years, but it's hard to determine whether the data out there is embellished or not, especially if it originated in places that had highly censored media, which were most places until recently.

I'm sure there were your few true nymphomaniacs out there who were insatiable, but did they explore their desires or did they try to get rid of them? Usually when I try to research such a question academically, I'm led to journals of kings' mistresses, which I don't particularly think can be believed because of many reasons. One of the reason that a king's mistress may bad source for true data is because of emotional biases. For instance, when one gains favor with a king, they usually are greatly excited, however, the excitement paves way to fear rather soon. Take the case of Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII. No matter your opinions on Boleyn's motives, her favor with the king came quickly and went away just as abruptly. Of course, if Anne's journals (if she wrote any) were available would probably say that Henry was a great lover and such, but how did she truly feel? Was she ever satisfied? Did she ever have an orgasm? Things like this always run through my mind because people have been highly superstitious historically, and many superstitions came through in sex. If a woman came, she was possessed by the devil, if a man could not maintain an erection, the woman he was with was possessed, etc etc. Did these thoughts prevent women from exploring their sexuality?

This isn't even mentioning the religious influences over most people, that in itself could be a great topic for a dissertation, but again, the evidence is hard to come by (no pun intended). I mean, I've thought about the women in my family who are generations older than me and wonder if they ever really got off. Maybe it's a bit Freudian, but you can't help but wonder about the evolution of sex and sensuality. The exception in my family might have been my great-grandmother, the mother of my maternal grandfather. I don't know much about her, but what I do know is some crazy shit. She was adopted and probably a recent immigrant from Ireland judging by the few pictures I've seen, but I could be wrong. She was a heroin addict in the 1920s on and to support her habit, she stripped. I'm not familiar with the whole stripper scene circa 1920, but I imagine it was a bit like Victorian porn, not necessarily with a lot of nudity, but with a hell of a lot of suggestion, which can be even more provocative than just laying spread eagle on a stage. She passed my grandpa and his siblings onto her husband's parents and that's how my grandpa was raised. The only other story I now beyond this is that when someone told my mother that she looked just like her grandma, my grandpa got super pissed and said that she didn't look a thing like that slut and to never say anything about it ever again. I can only imagine the resentment that he must have felt on being pushed off onto his grandparents, who were the type of people that followed closely to their old world traditions and were strictly religious.

But, I wonder....did my great-grandma get off on being a stripper, or did she just do it soley to feed her habit? Maybe she was a stripper first, a bit of an exhibitionist, and got introduced to heroin that way. It's often made me think, are my sexual desires somewhat genetic? I mean, I know my mom is kind of a fiend because I've seen her toys accidentally and can literally hear my parents go at it sometimes (although my older sister, who lives directly below them, hears them a lot more than I do). Can sexual appetite be passed down? Something to ponder. Maybe someday someone will do a study on it, especially since our life expectancy is so great, but who knows?

The results would probably be skewed by most people who either don't want to talk about their sex lives or who fancy themselves a nympho. Either way, a person can easily lie about their sexual history, experiences, or appetite. It often makes me wonder if a lot of girls my age really are as promiscuous as they seem to be, or if they just want people to think that they are nymphos for the convoluted reputation that it entails?

Maybe someday I'll write a scholarly book about these issues, but for now, I am off to go ponder elsewhere.