Another One Bites the Dust

This past Friday, I got a call from one of my guy friends at school. I knew what it meant as soon as I saw his name pop up on my caller ID; he had proposed to his girlfriend and they are now engaged. This is the third time this past year that some of my closest friends have gotten engaged, including four out of the 8 or so of my closest friends at my entire school. To someone who is single, it seems kind of intimidating. I'm without a doubt not ready to do something like get engaged at this point in my life, but it makes me question how they are so sure they want to marry this person. Sometimes I wonder if their relationships will continue as well as they are going now when they get into the real world and face real problems like bills, where to live, working full-time, dealing with each other's families, and even just planning the wedding itself. It's pretty easy to maintain a relationship with someone when you go to the same school and have the same friends and get to do all the fun college things together without having many concerns in regards to the relationship. Obviously you're both loyal to each other because at a smaller school like mine, one would find out rather quickly if their significant other was cheating. Here, the couples spend pretty much 24/7 together except for differing class schedules. They eat together, sleep together, hang out with different friends together, sometimes even shower together.

Saying all that makes me feel somewhat claustrophobic, I mean fuck...take two seconds away from each other for Christ's sake. In relationships like these, can you really love someone like that without losing who you are? I consider myself to be pretty independent, as much as a 21 year old college student can be, but when I am in a relationship that is meaningful, I give a lot of myself to that person. However, I never feel like I lose myself when I'm with that other person and the thought of that kind of disgusts me. I'm a big fan of "me" time and I let that be known in a relationship. I can't fucking think if you're always around me and that makes me crabby, which would make me irrationally bitchy to you. It makes me feel itchy thinking about it, but maybe I'm just a little cold-hearted for that, "I can't stand being a second without you" bullshit. When I spend more than a day with someone I start to lose my mind, which is why I was never good at those weekend slumber parties that little girls have where you spend Friday night to Sunday morning at someone's house. It was never for me. I like my own space, my own bed, my own time to think about whatever fucking nonsense I want to think about, and my freedom to do whatever the fuck I want to do.

I guess I'm a big contradiction though because even as I write this, I'm a little pissed at Rocker. He's been kind of distant the past couple days, and it's not like he hasn't called or anything, but it's little things. I haven't gotten a goodnight text in a few days or a good morning text either, which he usually does both on a daily basis. It's not even that I necessarily miss him doing these things, it's just that when it has become such a routine, it makes me wonder why he has broken that routine. Hello, trust issues, welcome to the party. Oh, daddy cheating on mommy, come right in and join the psychoanalysis of such goofy thoughts. Ah, piss.