Lately

First of all, I hope everyone had a great Christmas. I haven't been posting lately because the Internet on my laptop wasn't working and I'm not about to risk all my dirty little secrets on the family computer's history.

Christmas came quicker this year than a man with a case of pre-mature ejaculation issues. I was hardly prepared. I stayed at school until Sunday the 21st to work, only a few days before the holiday. I had basically no money for presents this year, but luckily my older sister had gotten gifts to give my parents from me. I owe her for that one. I told my older sister that I'd take her shopping when I get the refunds from my student loans in the next month or so, I'm real fiscally responsible, I know. My little sister was grateful for her gifts, of course. She would have never forgiven me if I hadn't given her presents on Christmas, but she is giving me some leniency for her birthday gift, which is coming in the next two weeks.

Christmas was good this year, not great. Maybe it was because it came so suddenly and I had no anticipation built up for it. Christmas Eve was typical with dad's side of the family. I felt judged, misunderstood, and unattached to my family. Pretty much the usual for that side of the family. The bright side was my one aunt, who is actually normal. Thank God for her. We do a grab bag on that side of the family since there are so many of us, and we rig it so that my family members get her family members and vice versa. She even bought a gift for my Grandma to give me, thankfully. Grandma "made" me a purse or something, I'm not sure what the fuck it is supposed to be, with my name embroidered on a piece of denim that is sealed with a velcro closure. Real classy stuff. Inside was some makeup that I've been wanting. Hooray!!

Christmas Eve night we went to the funeral home. How funny is that? My great aunt and uncle own a funeral home and it's the only place big enough to house all the extended family. It's great to see some of my great-great aunts and uncles, especially my great-great uncle Jan, he's hilarious. He and his wife gave all the girls rape whistles for Christmas, which I appreciate because it's actually useful.

Anyways, I needed a drink by this point. I went to the little beverage room and poured myself some Grey Goose and looked for a mixer. Cranberry juice seemed like a good choice, so I added it, stirred, and popped in a slice of lime. I went and sat with my cousins, who are all between the ages of 4-15. They asked if I was drinking alcohol and I just nodded. The next thing I know, my one little cousin who is 7 came back with a drink, looking similar to mine. I asked what she had in it and she told me wine, meaning that sparkling kiddie wine. I leaned over to ask her if I could take a sip and "test" it for real liquor, and she handed it to me. That's when I saw what she had put in her drink. A slice of lemon, a slice of lime, and two green olives stuffed with blue cheese meant for uncle Jan's martinis. I politely put the drink down and hid my disgust and told her that she was the classiest girl that I've ever known.

The night went on and I exchanged texts with Rocker, who was being as adorable as ever. He sent me another picture to my phone and I have to admit it was pretty hot. Mmmm. Speaking of Rocker, we still haven't met. He's been pretty busy with work and he's joining a new band, one that is supposedly much better than his current band. I'll have to agree because they opened for a band that I've actually heard of. We've talked everyday, usually a couple times a day, which is always good. I'm excited to meet him, but kind of weary at the same time for obvious reasons. And for some not so obvious ones. What if we think we have this good connection but when we actually sit down and try and talk, it's nothing? What if he thinks I'm just photogenic and actually terrible looking in person? I don't even want to think about the potential "look" that a person can give you when they've seen pictures of you, but not the real you. What if I think he's fugly when we meet? What if I hate the way he walks, because I do hate how some people walk. I'm that judgemental.

I've decided that I'll meet him, when we can, because what's the worst that could happen? He could be a good guy for me. He could be a bad guy for me. He could be a great lover. Whatever happens happens and I'll be sure to keep you all informed.

Have a safe and happy New Year from your favorite mean girl :)