Going to a football player's birthday party, no big deal!

This Friday I'm going to a pretty well known Chicago Bears rookie's birthday party. It's at a relatively upscale club downtown that has a $20 cover charge and $7.50 shots. It's an "exclusive event," and I have no idea what that means, but I'm figuring it's a guest list only type of deal since there will be quasi-celebrities there, or at least local celebs. I'm pretty excited because I'm a huge Bears fan, but I don't want to be that girl who tries to canoodle with a football player and I won't be, especially since I'm going with my sister and her boyfriend, who is the reason why we're able to go anyway. But, I'm not going to lie, I'm crossing my fingers and hoping Brian Urlacher is there. I met him once when I was in 8th grade, and oh what a story that is.

I can't remember what day of the week it was, but I feel like it was a Monday because I was wearing my Urlacher jersey, and I usually wore it on Mondays to celebrate their game on Sunday. One of my friends informed me that Urlacher was doing an autograph signing at a Best Buy store in another suburb, about an hour away from my town. This is when I started to devise my plan. Right before lunch, I asked my teacher if I could go to the nurse because I wasn't feeling well. The nurse told me the standard, "You don't have a fever and you're not vomitting, so go back to class," but I insisted on calling my mom, who was home with my little sister. The nurse informed me that my mom was on her way, so I went to my locker to get my stuff and to my class to inform my teacher that I wouldn't be back at school. "Hope you feel better," he said. As I walked out the door, trying to hide my smirk, I heard one of my guy friends shout out, "Yeah right! She's not sick! She's going to see Urlacher!" It was true. Hopefully.

When I got in my mom's van with a smirk on my face, she asked me what was going on. "So, listen. Don't be mad. But, I heard Brian Urlacher is going to do an autograph signing today...and you know how much I love him...can I go?" She laughed at how ridiculous I was and told me she couldn't believe that I pulled this, but when we got home, she called my dad. "Your daughter came home sick. Let her tell you why." I grabbed the receiver and a nervous knot of guilt stirred in my stomach. "Dad..Brian Urlacher is going to be signing autographs today! Isn't that awesome? It doesn't cost anything to get in I don't think...can we go? Can we PLEASE go?!" I rambled off. "Where is it," he asked. He sighed when I told him how far away it was, but he said he would be home shortly.

We got to the Best Buy and surprisingly there wasn't much of a line, but we were there hours in advance, of course. As it got closer to Urlacher's arrival, I started to get super excited, as any 14 year old girl would over their beloved celebrity. I heard a roar of applause and strained on my tip-toes to see if he was here. He walked in with his brother and they towered above everyone else. I took a picture, which only caught their heads and neck as the giddiness came over me. I waited anxiously in line with my white jersey in one hand to be signed and my blue jersey on me. Fuck, I'm not wearing any fucking make-up. When it was finally my turn, I sheepishly walked up placed my jersey on the table. "Where do you want it signed," he asked. Oh shit...I don't know. I awkwardly pointed to a spot and he looked down at my fingers. "Pretty cool nail polish." What? Brian Urlacher...did you really compliment my nail polish??? Yes, it was cool, it was kind fo irridescent, but really? I'm sure I blushed and was all flustered as I tried to bend down so that my dad could snap a picture of me with him. Unfortunately, I forgot to wind the little knob, as this was before we had digital cameras, and he thought the camera was broken so we moved on. I still haven't forgiven for that, but hopefully this weekend will make up for it. As my dad and I walked back to the car, I was in awe. "Sweet Jesus, he's hot," I said, not to anyone in particular. My dad looked at me and shook his head and said, "That's enough of that." I guess it would be awkward to hear your tween taughter say that. It's still one of my favorite memories and I adore my father for having the patience to take me there and wait with me in line for about four and half hours.

Looking back, I often think about what I would have said if I had been at least 18, okay, maybe 15 and lied about my age, and if my dad hadn't been with me. I'm sure I would have shown a little cleavage or something. It seems odd that people try so desperately to hook up with celebrities when they don't actually know them. Some people are often delusional and think that if they read enough about someone, that they know them. Untrue. I may know Brian Urlacher's stats and where he went to college, but by no means do I think I know him. So if he is there this weekend, I'll probably let out a squeal and an "OMIGOD!" but I wouldn't approach him. I wouldn't tell him that I'd suck him off in the bathroom if he wanted to. But, he good autograph my boob if he was so inclined....Just saying.